*I found the lost blog post and decided to post it even if the reflections are not as applicable now.*
When striving to be an understanding person, to see things from all points of view, how do you recognize when you have gone too far in trying to give someone the benefit of your understanding? At what point have you subverted your own need for compassion and understanding? I find myself doing this – wanting to preserve harmony, to give genuinely of my own understanding of other people's place and perspective in a given situation, wanting on some level to avoid my own sense of not having control of what is going on.
Soundtrack du jour: Clearlake – "It's Getting Light Outside"
Happy birthday wishes to Aurélien…
Sometimes acknowledging that one's feelings and disappointments, though very real, display insensitivity might not be enough. Perhaps I could today excuse it and acknowledge the validity of the disappointment. It is, after all, easy for someone (like me) going through something challenging to lose sight of the (negative) ripple effects created in others. People are, generally, only able to feel their own part in a situation. I strive to be different from this. But is it too much, too far?
I wonder, though, looking forward, would all of the future be like this? Would every disappointment and adversity be faced in this same way? It is all part of caring and wanting the people in your life to be happy and have all the things they desire. Where is the turning point, though, when it is clear that you care much more than they do? Or at least in a very different, more selfless way than they appear to? At what point have you unwittingly surrendered yourself as an apologist for another's self-centeredness?
On some level I am witnessing myself doing this, recognizing it as something I thought I left behind for good in my very early 20s. When I have a few hours on my own, in a lot of contemplation and silence, I question the nature of understanding and its inevitable limits and wonder why I should extend the kind of compassion that I do.
Today I feel like buying real estate, and going somewhere far away.