Inactivity and liberation

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It is liberating to realize, upon reflection, that people you took at face value, who listed actions and motions they claimed they wanted to undertake, really are all talk and no action. It shouldn't be liberating, perhaps. It should be disappointing, and on some level, at first, it probably is. Eventually though it just becomes evidence.

The endless talk and excuses and total lack of activity, or an alarmingly negligible level of activity, is eventually just so freaking annoying. Expressing constantly, "I intended to do X, but I couldn't be bothered because…", finishing in a litany of excuses, ranging from "being tired" (from that big, busy life full of nothingness) to "being hungover" to whatever. It is all just empty and boils down to not having the will to do whatever it is one claimed to want to do.

As someone who tends to be a whirlwind of productivity and who always, *always* makes time for someone if I really want to talk to them, no matter my mood or sense of urgent deadlines, I used to take it personally. "I wanted to talk to you but X got in the way." "I wanted to do X with you but I was too tired." Then I saw that the lack of will saturates everything… almost every activity, almost every interaction with most people (unless, of course, it's the beginning when things are novel and one can convince himself that "this time it's different"… until it isn't).

It is liberating to recognize that there is a pattern and to see that pattern unfold. It is like unchaining oneself from something that still had a glimmer of hope in it, but the realization finally snuffs out that tiny little light.

The path straight ahead, not a fork in the road, is well lit.

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