knowing

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When asked what sort of superpower I would want to have, I always think I want to know exactly what people are thinking all the time. I want to know their feelings, their thoughts, their lies. I am already too sensitive to these things, and even if I can’t read the actual thoughts, I know when things are just not as they seem.

But there is a disappointing finality to knowing anything for sure, particularly when it comes to someone’s feelings, motivations and inner life. Perhaps the most disappointing thing of all is when you doubt a person, and you find out for sure, for real, that you were right – no matter how they tried to steer you otherwise. And the best part – such people imagine that if they cry, beg, and feel real guilt, that is somehow enough. Everything is okay because they feel guilt. Guilt is such a scapegoat for the conscience.