Soundtrack: Pet Shop Boys – Jealousy, which makes me think of my brother and his possible… upcoming decisions.
Clearing out the basement storage room at my ex-boyfriend’s place all because his new girlfriend threatened angrily to throw all my stuff away if I did not clear it out. Granted, she was right in that I had been storing about 25 large boxes of stuff in there for more than three years. I really had worn out my storage welcome and needed this kick in the ass. On some level, I thank her (I have my beloved KitchenAid mixer back as a result). But the jealousy, which broke them up once in the past, seems so misplaced and like such a waste of energy. Sure, I loved him, but 1. he did not love me (or at least not enough to be together with me) — he chose her; 2. our relationship ended years ago, and I moved to two other countries in the time since then; 3. if he and I wanted to be together, wouldn’t we be together? Just because we had a lot in common and are good friends is no reason to get all psycho. In fact, I am sure if she gave me half a chance, she would not only find that I am no threat whatsoever… and I am a nice person and friendly enough that she might tolerate me. But jealous people do not grant those kinds of chances.
I have a longtime friend with whom I shared a lot of fairly personal information because we were, I thought, good friends. At various intervals in our friendship, he confessed more feelings about me than just friendship, all of which I diplomatically discouraged and denied. And he seemed pretty cool with this. But I think he needed to have a sounding board, someone who could just listen to him, from outside his immediate network of people. I thought we were sharing this rapport. Then one day out of the blue, I got a series of emails from his current girlfriend, about whom I knew nothing. This was followed a few days later by a postal letter from him, explaining that she had read all our previous correspondence, and he was sorry for lying. Why are these kinds of entanglements so common… and why do people get so up in arms and jealous about them?
My jealous valentine
I sent out Valentine cards this year along with a mix CD, and I sent them to everyone. Not unlike in elementary school when we were forced to give Valentine cards to everyone if we gave them out at all. Viewing it in this platonic, sharing way, it seemed fairly ludicrous to me that I was making people’s boyfriends and girlfriends jealous when they pulled out the little tiny heart card with a poem attached. It is not like the production was an individual effort, made just for their object of affection. As time consuming as the Valentine card project was (all hand-done), it was still a mass-produced effort, enjoyed (or at least tolerated) by over 250 people. And why jealousy? If these jealous partners knew me, I would send them Valentine cards too. I am just like that to the point that, as hateful as I act, I have a whole lot of love in my heart for everyone…
And jealousy… what role does it really play? Does it really serve a purpose or prove that a person really loves another?
Completely different subject, shall we?
Töcksfors, where I routinely cross into Norway from Sweden, already has a fairly large shopping center. I have noticed in recent months, though, that apparently a new one is being built just up the road, closer to the Norwegian border (Töcksfors handelsparken). I do not know what it can or will offer that the other shopping center does not. McDonald’s for one thing (Burger King is the fast-food stop at the existing shopping center). I believe EuroCash grocery store is going to move from its current mall location into the new shopping center as well. And the first stage is set to end/open around Easter. I also read that with all the planned E18 construction between Oslo and Töcksfors, the drive between the two will soon be just 60 minutes. (It usually does not take me much longer than that, but this is probably because I am a little negligent about following the speed limit at all times.)
Calm before storm
Finished watching Lilyhammer, this week’s tv shows, the documentary, Being Elmo (my heavens I love Sesame Street although Elmo came along after my time, so I don’t love him so much – Oscar the Grouch really does it for me)… and now watching Jack Goes Boating, which 15 minutes in does not seem particularly interesting. I decided to watch it from the endless Netflix queue because it will magically disappear from Netflix in a couple of days.
And tomorrow afternoon, off and away for what should be a superlative weekend.