january doubts and considerations


-15 ? January 2017

Talked Down

I talked myself out (of you)
No more nuzzled into the illusion of
Warm cortázar freedom we, or I, thought we invented together,
A sanctuary knitted from imagined closeness,
cushioning a prison of expectation.
After all – everything is temporary, and
you cannot live and keep free of briars”.

You talked down (to me)
How could I possibly understand the cessation –
the pressures, stagnation and pains of decoupling,
so ungrounding, so confusing –
How could a wandering wallflower know a thing about this?

Requiring a bump-in-road respite,
hitting hard the (un)reality of running hot and cold,
extolling the grandeur and extraterrestrial brand one moment
following with an all-told, lump-sum tabulation of
your earth(l)y needs and concerns the next.

My “law brain”,
plastic in its adherence to how things should go,
melting when they don’t.
My heart bought a subscription that
my brain cancelled abruptly, without consultation.
Fallen as hard out as I had in,
toasting this familiar indifference.
I intend to do as ever: live.

Image is of an amazing cushion made by my dear friend Lóa.

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