You Would Know
–Marvin Bell

That you, Father, are “in my mind,”

some will argue, who cherish the present

but flee the past. They haven’t my need

to ask, What was I? Asking instead,

What am I?, they see themselves bejeweled

and wingèd. Because they would fly and have value,

their answers are pretty but false:

the fixings of facile alchemists,

preferring their stones to brains.

The brain, remember, is not foolproof

either, and does and does until it can’t.

Sodden, quivering, crossed and recrossed,

the mind can become a headstone

or be malice stuffed with fish.

Everything changes so quickly. You who were

are no longer and what I was I’m not.

Am I to know myself, except as I was?

The rest is catchy, self-promising, false.

Oh please write to me, and tell me.

I just want to be happy again. That’s

what I was, happy, maybe am, you would know.