cinnamon rolls

the things that excite-sadden-inspire-create-suffering in us

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Meeting a guy who professionally sold office supplies and offered me an endless supply of different pens on a regular basis. Yeah, back then, that was fab. But not the kind of guy I was going to, say, marry. But back then fistfuls of pens would get me really excited.

These triggers for excitement change a lot… strange to think that nowadays I get really fired up talking about infection control or antibiotic resistance or cutting-edge plastic surgery techniques.

Or that I am excited when new web browsers come into the world.

And then the things that make us inexpressibly sad. US Vice President Joe Biden and all the loss he has experienced. Reading an MIT commencement address delivered long ago by former politician Paul Tsongas (before he died, young). Lachrymose, feeling this mortality and the grief unfolding. More nostalgic than normal.

Seeing that Duran Duran will play the WA State Fair… igniting Duran nostalgia, reminding me of a third-grade field trip back when chaperone parents were still allowed to drive kids in private cars – I went with a guy whose mom had a new Camaro or something like that and we listened to Seven and the Ragged Tiger over and over. I envied that her car had a cassette deck and could automatically reverse and play the tapes. My parents’ car, which eventually became my car, had nothing of the sort.

In junior high my best friend and her “former” best friend from elementary school went to see Duran Duran on their sort of “comeback” tour in 1988 – funny to think of it being a comeback since they had not really gone anywhere. They had just gone quiet for a handful of years. I imagine that I protested and pretended to like Duran less than I did because I was jealous that my friend and her former friend (just because their parents would buy them tickets, of course) were going to the concert.

I write about this former friend a lot, especially in the throes of nostalgia, because so many things remind me of her. Hearing U2, Robyn Hitchcock, Crowded House, being in Scotland, seeing Starburst candy (which is not the norm here in Sweden), making snickerdoodle cookies or cinnamon rolls (she was always the one to make the glaze).

We drifted apart long before we actually lost touch entirely. For so many years I wanted to have closure or to know that she was okay. She really just disappeared from the face of the earth and there was no way for me to find her. She is one of the few people without a discernible web identity/presence. It’s almost impressive. I went out of my way trying to find out for a really long time, making a nuisance of myself at times.

I have mostly let go of that, and I have come to understand the selfishness of that need. Maybe she wasn’t okay and my demanding to know she was could have been just another nagging thing for her. Especially because her well-being is and was not my business. Our past friendship creates no obligation for her to share any of it. I still hope she is well, regardless. Sigh – the intensity of youth friendship and that compact worldview of youth make it hard to imagine a closer friendship even if, reflecting, there was very little to it.

Baked goods: Cinnamon rolls

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I had not baked cinnamon rolls since… high school, I think. I had some milk I wanted to use and a desire to get back to making yeast doughs. Cinnamon rolls seemed like a good choice and helped me through a night of insomnia (and meant freshly baked rolls for colleagues just a few hours later). The pictures above represent attempt #1, which was more successful than my second attempt (featured below). Both were good, but I think the second attempt yielded a drier roll. I think I rushed the second attempt and the dough did not turn out as soft. See the unbaked and baked second attempts below.

CINNAMON ROLLS
Dough:
2 1/2 teaspoons yeast
1 cup warm milk (110F/45C)
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup melted, but slightly cooled, butter
2 large eggs, at room temperature
4 1/2 cups flour

Filling:
1/3 cup softened butter, which you will spread onto the rolled-out dough
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 1/2 tablespoons ground cinnamon
(You can also add raisins or nuts to the filling, if desired. I never do.)

Cream Cheese Icing:
3 or 4 ounces softened cream cheese (85 to 110 grams)
1/4 cup softened butter
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Dissolve the yeast in the warm milk in a large bowl (or stand mixer). Mix in the sugar, butter and eggs. Add flour and mix well. Knead the dough into a large ball (or, if using a stand mixer, use the dough hook for about 5 minutes). Make sure your hands are dusted with flour while doing this. Put in a clean bowl, cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled in size (about 1 hour).

After the dough has doubled, turn it onto a lightly floured surface, cover and let rest for 10 minutes. In a small bowl, combine brown sugar and cinnamon.

Roll dough into a 16×21 inch rectangle (40cm by 53cm). Spread dough with 1/3 cup butter and sprinkle evenly with sugar/cinnamon mixture. Lightly press the cinnamon-sugar and butter mixture into the dough.

Roll up dough and cut into 12 rolls. Place rolls in a lightly greased 9×13 inch baking pan. Cover and let rise until nearly doubled, about 30 minutes. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400F/200C.

Bake rolls in a preheated oven until golden brown, about 15 minutes. While rolls are baking, beat together cream cheese and butter until smooth. Then add powdered sugar, then vanilla. Spread frosting on warm rolls before serving.