Random Gum: Summer 2016 soundtrack

Standard

Random Gum – Summer 2016 soundtrack: Alive and Kicking
Latent Love and the Pre-Internet Days

The whole playlist (minus the songs that don’t exist on Spotify…) on Spotify.

01. Simple Minds – “Alive and Kicking” …now it’s all or nothing/cause you said you follow through…

Appeared twice in the same week on primetime TV (The Goldbergs & Fresh Off the Boat), proving 80s/90s nostalgia is alive and kicking – Simple Minds and John Hughes, always leading the charge. For S, for Amber

02. Vorderhaus – “Stepping Off the Ghost Train” …You tell yourself you’re in love/I tell myself I don’t care/I’m stepping off the ghost train/I’m tired of loving you in vain…

03. INXS – “Never Tear Us Apart” …but if I hurt you, I’ll make wine from your tears…

A cover version of this with female vocal (Paloma Faith) appeared in L&O SVU and made me think of the original, and of the domino-like tragedy of HutchenceYatesGeldof. And after the “Alive and Kicking” appearances I also thought of former best friend Terra and her junior high crush on INXS’s Jon Farriss. She had gone to spend the summer in Aberdeen (Scotland, not WA), dreamt Farriss died and had written me a letter (yes – a real letter, as this all happened in the 1987-8 world before the internet) describing the nightmare, to which I replied, “Don’t worry – he’s alive… and kicking!” Which was only funny at all because INXS’s hit album was called KICK. For Terra. For S.

04. John Grant – “Geraldine” …we’re not like them, we’re not that strong/at least that’s what they have been telling us all along…

The gorgeousness of John Grant continues.

05. The War on Drugs – “Under the Pressure” …When it all breaks down and we’re runaways/Standing in the wake of our pain…

06. Glenn Frey – “The Heat is On”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCoP2W4v2v8
This has been a particularly rough year so far for musical deaths. I’m no Glenn Frey/Eagles fan, but this song plays into 1980s memories as well as a more recent vignette when two of my colleagues and I took our young Spanish intern to lunch for his birthday, and he commented on how I can possibly wear dresses in the cold, and I replied, “In the office, the heat is on…” The three of us old lady colleagues, in unison, burst into song, ‘The heat is on…’, which perplexed the youthful Spaniard.

07. AaRON – “U-Turn (Lili)” …you know there’s still a place for people like us…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTKfrY4cQ9I
Many thanks to my colleague, Laurent. This popped up at a time that everyone and everything seemed to be named Aaron, and as Key & Peele ended on Comedy Central, and I inhaled all five seasons in a few days, and keep going back to the “Substitute Teacher” clip in which the sub pronounces it, “A-A-Ron”.

08. Beach House – “Days of Candy” …I know it comes too soon/The universe is riding off with you…

09. David Bowie – “Sound & Vision”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoDamvrfUbQ
I’ve never experienced anything like the collective outpouring of shared grief and mourning for a public figure – and felt a part of it – the way I did when Bowie unexpectedly died in January 2016. I had never been a huge fan, but his departure felt like the dimming of a bright light that guided our path through the modern cultural landscape. For weeks afterward, I cried if I listened to him (which I could not stop doing) or thought about him. In the end, mortality will come for the flesh, but the work, voice, sound and vision live forever.

10. Lush – “Lovelife” …in your concrete arms I adore you…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYzfT1zmAGg
Celebrating the resurrection of Lush, their 2016 tour and (possibly) seeing them in London in May (which, sadly, I could not). For all my Lush-loving friends (too numerous to count!). “Every door conceals a dream and a nightmare…”

11. Karen Elson – “Who’s Sorry Now?”

12. The Chills – “Soft Bomb Part One” …I’m tearing all my hair out with my hands/I know what they will never understand…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdI_xhB7bgY
For all the New Zealand-leaning ambitions and longing. For all the NZ friends (Trevor, Kimberley, Dan, Lauren)…

13. Los Blenders – “TJTQ”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXPvHOJFSWk
Tijuana! For Martina, as everything Mexican is.

14. Tennis – “Mean Streets” …Stay on your own/Or leave it alone…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ei2gXl203w
For Esteban and Ana, fellow Tennis fans.

15. KC & the Sunshine Band – “Boogie Shoes”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6m47EQtAMzI
I don’t know how this fits into the soundtrack, really. I watched a documentary about the 1970s and thought we could use a pause here to groove on the decade

16. 88 ULTRA – “Oceans”

17. Christine and the Queens – “No Harm is Done” …I can follow/Wanna take the lead/but I roam all alone/With a heart so hollow…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQ6FYytu1pM
With more thanks to Laurent.

18. Damon Albarn – “Heavy Seas of Love”

19. The Ink Spots – “I’ll Get By”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dh4YlBKNZso
For S the Firewall

20. Elvis Costello – “Sweet Pear” …But there’s a void without your kiss/I wake on the precipice above the abyss/And though the touch of your lips these fears dismiss/Make no mistake there is an ache I have to live with…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ9bVpGLego
“Was my grip too loose, my grip too strong/That made you want to run away/And now you’re back where I pretend you belong/I wonder every night and day, how long?” For Roberto.

21. Dom La Nena – “Saudade” …E onde é que foi que vi voar aquele beija flor/Onde esta agora os restos de um amor que machucou/E o tempo passou, você não mudou/A quanto tempo foi que você não voltou…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OG8cpJCl7Mk
Brasil, so much in the news, so much in the thoughts, this year.

22. Soapkills – “Wadih”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoLA1tCLcBI
Many thanks to Aurélien and Catherine.

23. Sleeper – “What Do I Do Now?” …is there someone else, am I too familiar, was it when I said I wanted to have children…?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSe3dV7dPYw
I’ve always preferred Elvis Costello’s slower, sadder recording of this song. Every time I hear it, it seems to take on new depth and meaning. “What do I do now? Are we going under? What did I do wrong? I thought we had it sorted out the other day. Maybe I’m just stupid. Thought we’d try again. No one told me it was raining.”

24. Linda Mirada – “Lío en Río”

25. Crystal Castles – “Plague”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cx2lJIOTBjs
For and thanks to Roxane.

26. Saint Motel – “A Quick One While He’s Away” …It’s like a dream to be with you again…

27. Townes van Zandt – “Waitin’ Around to Die” …sometimes I don’t know where this dirty road is taking me…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbsMn476T2U
Never get enough of Townes. “Now I’m outta prison, got me a friend that lasts. Well he don’t drink or steal or cheat or lie, well, his name’s codeine, he’s the nicest thing I’ve seen, yeah, together we’re gonna wait around and die.”

28. Psycho Killer – “Road to Nowhere”
Stuff like this (the original anyway, and the Talking Heads in general) and The Pretenders – stuff I could not appreciate until on the cusp of being “aged” like cheese or wine.

29. Tom Jones – “The Young New Mexican Puppeteer”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvQHt5t7zkg
Of course I’m inspired by Martina (another Mexican thing) here and how kind of comical this song is, but also thinking of multiple discussions on the dislike for Welsh people (haha) and the recent passing of Tom Jones’s wife (RIP).

30. Salt Petal – “Cumbia de Billinghurst”

31. Wall of Voodoo – “Mexican Radio” …No comprende/it’s a riddle…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyCEexG9xjw
For Martina. “I wish I was in Tijuana/eating barbecued iguana”

32. Telefon Tel Aviv – “Helen of Troy” …Your face is the place/where it ends…

33. Clan of Xymox – “A Day”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiJ3KU0bme0
This certainly takes me back in time.

34. Ezra Furman – “Body Was Made” …Your body is yours at the end of the day
and don’t let the hateful try and take it away…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkEkjxX_YrM
Had not heard so much saxophone in a long time, and stumbled on this right after having multiple conversations about how the name “Ezra” isn’t one you hear often.

35. Lush & Jarvis Cocker – “Ciao!” …life is wonderful now that I’m rid of you…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0Jvo5_IrlI
This is 1996 for me, two of my favorites of the time, trying to break away from the grip of shitty relationships that seem to be the telltale sign of young adulthood.

36. Count Five – “Psychotic Reaction”

37. Mashrou’Leila – “Imm El Jacket”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsablD8vu0w
Thanks to Aurélien and Catherine.

38. Eddie Rabbitt – “Drivin’ My Life Away”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tvEvBUG8mY
Music my mom listened to a lot when my brother and I were children. My brother had an angry-looking, fluffy blue stuffed rabbit he named “Eddie Rabbit” thanks to our exposure to this. Wondering what happened to the little rabbit, as I made some of my last long-haul drives in the middle of the night between home & Gothenburg.

39. Irma Thomas – “Anyone Who Knows What Love Is (Will Understand)”

40. Townes van Zandt – “Be Here to Love Me”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6NPj9M_p20
“Your eyes seek conclusion in all this confusion of mine/though you and I both know it’s only the warm glow of wine/that’s got you to feeling this way/but I don’t care I want you to stay/hold me and tell me you’ll be here to love me today”

41. Bertrand Belin – “Je parle en fou”

42. John Grant – “Down Here”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eViyPYJ2okc
“Cause what we got down here is oceans of longing/And guessing games, and no guarantees/And you work so hard to be in control/And now you’re laughing at yourself because you can’t let go”. For Roberto.

43. Still Corners – “Beginning to Blue”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgEB3rY8ZGI
Lovely song anyway but its placement in the stunning second season of You’re the Worst, when you’re hit with the realization that the main character is descending into a deep, dark depression was perfect.

44. Philip Selway – “Coming Up for Air”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMxXmW1pqeU
For Kyle. “You hafta come up for aih(s) sometime”. Ugh/puke.

45. Robyn Hitchcock – “1974” …And as Nixon left the White House you could hear people say/’they’ll never rehabilitate that mother, no way’…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVDDXFpVjNU
Robyn is just a magnificent storyteller, master of verbal imagery and a genius. Love! If “Boogie Shoes” was a grooveable 70s moment, this is a philosophical rumination on that ruinous and ugly decade.

46. Elvis Costello – “What Do I Do Now?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuJJBJHDUcY
Had to include this version, too, of course.

47. Alex Vargas – “Till Forever Runs Out”

48. The Cure – “A Strange Day” …Held for one moment I remember a song/An impression of sound/Then everything is gone/Forever…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4mym0EFKM8
For Gary, with whom it’s great to be back in contact. Here’s to the best moments of our teenage years.

49. New Edition – “Cool It Now”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZUq6N7Gx1c
I remember enjoying this video as a little kid – and then the tune turned up in the soundtrack to Master of None and I just had to include it.

50. Happyness – “Montreal Rock Band Somewhere”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hcwZ9EptZs
“What do you do when you hate all your friends?”

51. Tobias Jesso Jr – “Without You”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ybYYKBd_40
“I can hardly breathe without you/There is no future I want to see without you/I just don’t know who I would be without you/There is nothing out there for me without you…”

52. Koudlam – “See You All”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYu3Y7JT810
I don’t know why, but this song is the right one for walking through the city and waiting in queues.

53. bigott – “Baby Lemonade”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So7IharnjCs
“Like in the movies, she wake up dreaming/nothing is hiding/if you can find it…”

54. Giant Sand – “Stranded Pearl” …every girl is like a pearl/hearts strung along and then left stranded…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcUKHnrTXzg
A great, visual, wordy song. “I lost me my eye in a battle/went there to rattle their cage/lost sight of the big picture/now this permanent fixture is my rage”. (Made me think a bit at the end of a Derek Walcott poem, “Codicil”, which ends, “All its indifference is a different rage.”)

55. The Staves – “Black & White”

56. Jordie Lane – “Fell Into Me”
Sounds very reminiscent of Neil Finn. Thanks to Nicki.

57. Ra Ra Riot – “Foreign Lovers”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unmaQzVS9lw
“Well the one in Chicago wasn’t there anymore, and because that thing in Berlin wasn’t anyone’s fault… I got no idea what’s fair but I knew before – you got foreign lovers”. An insanely fitting song, stumbled on by accident. All the foreign lovers (and hilarious that Chicago and Berlin are the cities referenced…).

58. Niyaz – “Beni Beni”

59. Jaakko Eino Kalevi – “No End” …I guess it’s useless to say/I want you to stay…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HT6dDiQBPPI
The Guardian described Jaakko thusly: “tram driver in Helsinki by day, weird-pop maestro by night”.

60. All We Are – “Keep Me Alive” …I hear nothing at all but your breathing…

61. Fairport Convention – “Who Knows Where the Time Goes?”

As an adolescent, my friend Terra and I ‘discovered’ Fairport Convention, and it’s still something nice to listen to. When I listened to this again and reflected on the time that’s passed by since we were friends, and particularly since we were close and finding new music together, the song was particularly poignant and bittersweet.

62. Núria Graham – “Dark Past” …everybody’s got a dark past/but mine is just about to start…

63. David Bowie – “Cat People” … Just be still with me/You wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through…

64. Cousteau – “Last Good Day of the Year”

“When the summer’s light is fragrant/with scents of returning/you relent, you resent, now you’re burning/for nothing to change…”

65. Wire – “German Shepherds” …it’s beginning to and back again…

Song title made me think, in a very roundabout way, of the Paris attacks of November 2015. Following the attacks, the French government went on the offensive and a Belgian shepherd (like the one in the TV show Person of Interest) was killed during a raid, prompting the Russians to give a new dog to the French. Hmm. Then in March, of course, Belgium fell victim to yet another terror attack.

66. Pet Shop Boys – “Love is a Bourgeois Construct”

No sentiment could be truer. November 2015, driving around downtown Tacoma, with thanks to my brother, Kyle, on relationships: “That phase of my life is over.”

67. Vorderhaus – “Venus in Retrograde” …how do you really love/the truth is happening/it’s venus in retrograde/the dark affair within…
You know you want more: https://soundcloud.com/vorderhaus/

68. Townes van Zandt – “For the Sake of the Song” …nothing’s what it seems/maybe she’ll start someday to realize/if she abandons her dreams/then all the words she can say are only lies/when will she see that the gain is only to lose/all that she offers me are chains/and I got to refuse…

For ML. “Maybe she just has to sing for the sake of the song/who do I think that I am to decide that she’s wrong?”

69. The Paris Sisters – “I Love How You Love Me”

Dreamy.

70. Blur, Françoise Hardy – “To the End”

71. Primal Scream – “I’m Losing More Than I’ll Ever Have” …I betrayed you, you trusted me, and I betrayed you…

Sometimes you realize that even when something is ostensibly done, you cannot fully move forward until you have let go completely of past things and people. The sad reminder of the last conversation, last realization/S.

72. Amanda Bergman – “Vintersaga”

For many reasons I put this here – it’s a Swedish story full of Swedish place, but it is also choice for its connection to dear Andreas, the value of musical recommendations, and to our many talks about ad copy and the fraudulent feeling of writing stuff without meaning, pop culture stuffing of ads & such.

73. David Bowie – “Where Are We Now?”

Constant striving for Berlin, which represents a constant striving for change.

74. Prince & the Revolution – “When Doves Cry”

What can I even say? If Bowie was a loss and a shock, the loss of Prince was an even greater shock. For me, Prince is always freshest, best and alive in the Purple Rain period. I fell in love with the first time I heard this one as a child. RIP.

75. Johnny Cash – “The Beast in Me”

A fitting ending, in many ways. For S. “God help the beast in me.”

City Winter 2013 – Soundtrack – The Good Goo of Random (Love) Gum

Standard

The CD version went out to the people they normally go to on Saturday morning. Meanwhile, here’s the collection that has carried me through winter and the big changes 2013 has delivered into my life.

City Winter 2013 – The Good Goo of Random (Love) Gum
A stab in the heart is as good as a stab in the eye – anti-Valentine’s Day 2013

The full Spotify playlist. (The songs that are available on Spotify, anyway. Sadly not all are.)

01. “Parting Gift” — Fiona Apple …I bet you could never tell/that I knew that you didn’t know me that well…
“It is my fault, you see/you never learned that much from me.”/ “It ended bad but I love what we started.”

02. “A Night Like This” – The Cure
Summer of 1989. The last time I felt everything unfiltered.

03. “A Good Thing” – Saint Etienne …Pack your bags and move along/before your feelings get too strong…
With love to Naomi. And with love to Ben.

04. “Take a Letter, Maria” – R.B. Greaves
Have always hated this song but last year the artist died and I discovered he is from Guyana (like a dear friend’s “I can’t feel my fingers” dad). I have always wondered with regard to this song how and why, if this guy is so devastated about catching his wife with another man, he can so easily move on to his secretary. And when he questions whether he was wrong to work nights to try to make a better life and cannot understand why his wife cheated, why is he not asking whether perhaps all his late nights at the office led his presumably lonely wife to conclude that he was already having an affair with his secretary, which drove her to another man?

05. “Time It’s Time” – Lia Ices …As bad as bad becomes/It’s not a part of you/And love is only sleeping/Wrapped in neglect…
With love for Jane, for Heather, for Alfa…
The song (no YouTube link!)

06. “Pure” – Lightning Seeds …If love’s the truth then look no lies/And let me swim around your eyes/I’ve found a place I’ll never leave/Shut my mouth and just believe/Love is the truth I realize/Not a stream of pretty lies/To use us up and waste our time…
Tenth-grade coming back to bite me in the ass. I got this album from Rodney as a Christmas gift. We all started getting jobs and more importantly, driver’s licenses (goodbye, Hell Machine school bus!). Present day… JKL and references to long-ago “youth” and end-of-January grey Gothenburg days. “Fresh and deep as oceans new/Shiver at the sight of you…”

07. “Dying is Fine” – Ra Ra Riot
xo Jill. “Death oh baby/You know that dying is fine but maybe/I wouldn’t like death if death were good/Not even if death were good.”

08. “Black Belt” – John Grant …What you got is a black belt in B.S…
“You are callipygian/but look at the state you’re in….” Can you argue with a man who fits “callipygian” into a song? For Kyle.

09. “Subculture” – New Order …In the end you will submit/it’s got to hurt a little bit…
The late 80s, early 90s – and all the illusions and confusions of that time.

10. “There’s a Barbarian in the Back of My Car” – Voice of the Beehive …He’s got his eyes on the horizon/he says I can ride his rocket/while telephone numbers are tumbling from his top pocket/dream logic operator/he falls out of the car/he says, “I’ll fuck you later, now just get me to the bar”…
So many barbarians, so many who want things all their way, all on their terms, with no consideration for others. ML, JKL

11. “Aime Mon Amour” – Benjamin Biolay …Quand bien même elle garde ses mystères/Même si tu l’envoies en l’air/Aime Mon Amour/Je te descends…
For Bruno. For Aurélien. Always the French guys.

12. “Wish You Were Here” – Lia Ices …We’re just two lost souls/living in a fishbowl/year after year…
With love for Jane, this almost unrecognizable version of an overdone Pink Floyd classic. “How, how I wish you were here…”

13. “Some People” – Martha Wainwright …I don’t want to be the one to tell you that I don’t love the way I used to…
“If only I believed in God I’d ask him to help me find my way/I am faced with a world that does not have the words to say…”

14. “I’m Leaving It Up to You” – Dale & Grace …Now do you want my love?/Or are we through?…
Who would I be if I were not including songs that considerably pre-date my existence?

15. “The Belle of St Mark” – Sheila E
No clue why – had an urge to hear music that reminds me of the hell of 5th and 6th grades and of my old friend, Danielle.

16. “Healed” – Lia Ices …Just dust…
Always with Jane in mind. And here’s to the shattering of illusions about who you thought people were (Ph).
No YouTube link – here it is.

17. “Meant to Move” – Lerin Herzer & Andrew Joslyn …Some people were meant to sit still/I’m afraid I was meant to move…
In yet another new place, new city, new job, moving on again, as I am meant to do, even if some things never change.

18. “Computer Love” – Kraftwerk
Thanks to Laurent. With ML in the back of the mind. My computer love days are over; goodbye tech world!

19. “Ends of the Earth” – Lord Huron …I was a-ready to die for you, baby/Doesn’t mean I’m ready to stay/What good is livin’ a life you’ve been given/If all you do is stand in one place…
And where is that person who would wander and follow? “To the ends of the earth, would you follow me/There’s a world that was meant for our eyes to see…”

20. “Amor Fati” – Washed Out …What you can’t afford now/Chasing all your thoughts, you know that/You’ll be all right in time…

21. “Hallelujah” – The Helio Sequence …We all want answers anyway…
We faithless few. “And waiting pensive, sad, and look/Up to the stars and counting all the suns and all the moons/How sad it was that we could not believe…”

22. “Hong Kong Garden” – Siouxsie and the Banshees
I have always liked Siouxsie and the Banshees but never got into as much as I have of late. Ecstatic when this comes on during my dark, winter morning walks to the tram. Ecstatic for the sound, not so much for the disorienting, misguided lyrics.

23. “Genesis” – Grimes …Holding on/I am a vagabond /It’s always different/I am the one who falls…

24. “Lovefingers” – School of Seven Bells

https://soundcloud.com/vagrantrecords/lovefingers

25. “Thru the Field” – Memory Tapes …Walk on through the field, it’s already late/I swear I heard somebody laughing/At all my mistakes…
All my mistakes… luckily the majority are personal rather than professional or big “life” things.

26. “Alone Again Or” – LoveYeah, said it’s all right/I won’t forget/All the times I’ve waited patiently for you/And you’ll do just what you choose to do/And I will be alone again tonight, my dear…
Here’s to all the waiting around for nothing, empty plans, broken promises…

27. “You’re Still Beautiful” – The Church
Always forgetting The Church – underrated and underplayed. Brings back late-80s memories

28. “Suspended in Gaffa” – Ra Ra Riot …That girl in the mirror/Between you and me/She don’t stand a chance of getting anywhere at all…
Thanks to Jill for the recommendation. Never really been much of a Kate Bush fan, but I’m all for Kate Bush covers.

29. “Argonauts” – The Little Ones …You ought to kick and scream/For every fallen dream, there’s a hard knock on the door/Like stones, yeah we’ll never move to shore…

30. “Crazy Tropical Survival Guide” – Frederick Squire & Katherine Maki …All at once/the world ended/all at once everything in the world became so clear…
I heard this but could not find it for the last Halloween mix – now I don’t like it as much as then but am still including it.

31. “Crucify Your Mind” – Sixto Rodriguez …And you assume you got something to offer/Secrets shiny and new/But how much of you is repetition/That you didn’t whisper to him too…

32. “Heavenly Bodies” – Tamaryn …She’s a fool/But time is a thief/When it comes in to say/Her love has to wait…

33. “Sometime” – DIIV …Oh your body is a mess sometimes/Your brain is just a part of your head it really is a mess sometimes/Your head is just a part of the rest/It’s really necessary sometimes/Your birth is just a part of your death/That really isn’t it this time your death is just a part of your…

34. “Half Gate” – Grizzly Bear …But honestly it’s fine/When I mention how I love you/It’s all I do/Even as I stray/We have the cold to keep/I’m not sure I still believe/My most is nothing more/Than a place we’ve been before…
Regret. A song as dramatic shopping list of regret. “Which of yourselves is truly gone?/Checked out so long/Unhinged unwound/Come help me on/To let lie what’s done/In some great beyond/You’re still there still as you were…”

35. “Working Titles” – Damien Jurado …You could mess up my life in a poem/Have me divorced by the time of the chorus…
For all those who are never quite the right one. “Killing time til I pass through the chamber/Or the room where you keep my replacement/Se fed up still you’re starving on paper/You are no him, but he’s you, only better…” “Leave me an exit to damage/I could use a ledge to jump off of/I wasn’t lying when I said this was over/I have questions that lead to more questions…”

36. “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long” – Otis Redding …You were tired, and your love is growing cold/My love is growing stronger as our affair grows old…

37. “Teenage Goths” – Jon DeRosa …Do you remember how we ruled/the only teenage goths in school?…
All realistic and pragmatic, but everything is possible.
No YouTube link. Here is the song.

38. “’Cello Song” – Nick Drake

39. “Don’t Drown in Sorrows” – Jakob Olausson
A Swedish thing, carrying me through the winter. Heard first on KEXP in Seattle. The DJ thought he was cool and pronounced this guy’s name like “YAY-kub” – which reminds me of a manager I used to have and his half-assed attempts at pronouncing things – he could never decide until halfway through a word whether he would say it the Norwegian or the English way, so you’d get some crap hybrid. Can’t find a link

40. “Night Will Be Dawn” – Darkness Falls
This might seem a bit dramatic and dark but … then, so is getting through the darkness of Swedish winter. With love for Roxane.

41. “Victoria” – The Fall
This version of the song will always remind me of New Zealand and Qantas – this was part of a sound program they offered about The Kinks. Rarely is a mix complete without The Fall.

42. “Do the Du” – Certain Ratio …My heart was just an open sore/which you picked at ’til it was raw/it bled away my existence/shriveled under your insistence…

43. “Flutes” – Hot Chip
Naturally all references to flutes tie in to Annette and “blowing meat flutes”. ☺ I’ll join that orchestra. There is a sound in the end of the song that sounds a lot like Skype when a call is coming in. Haha. Another good song for tram waiting and riding.

44. “Cherry” – Chromatics …Cherry/Tells me some things I don’t want to know/And I can’t see /A light at the end for us anymore…
I love the sound of this, with visions of nearing the end of the long drive between Gothenburg and rural Swedish woodland, passing a weird dot on the map called Gustavsfors that boasts not only an oddly placed German bakery but also a campground called Alcatraz.

45. “Say No to Thugs” – Lost Animal …Never get lessons in love from an angry man…
Good advice. “Don’t sweat the little things, love…”

46. “Shapeless & Gone” – Porcelain Raft …In a strange kind of way, lifeless landscapes have so much to say…
“So good to know you’re out there/So good to know you still care…”. The words people say to me over and over…

47. “Your Ex-Lover is Dead” – Stars
Many to whom I gave; got nothing in return. Not sorry but have I ever been brave enough to say so? “There’s one thing I want to say, so I’ll be brave/You were what I wanted/I gave what I gave/I’m not sorry I met you/I’m not sorry it’s over/I’m not sorry there’s nothing to save…”

48. Drown in My Own Tears” – Stevie Wonder

49. “Nice Without Mercy” – Lambchop …And the sky opens up like candy/And the wind don’t know my name…
Love the title; perfectly sums up my ongoing campaign to kill with kindness.

50. “Beautiful Son” – Peaking Lights

51. “Lord Knows” – Dum Dum Girls …I want to live a pure life/I’d say that it’s about time/Don’t judge me for the things I’ve done/To get off the only one/The bliss I’ve found in ignorance/A slow burning Icarus…

52. “I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel to Be Free” – Nina Simone

53. “The Dark Age” – Widowspeak …We only have ourselves to blame/We had our years to play/It’s getting kind of late/Don’t know what you’re waiting for…

54. “I Wish I Had an Evil Twin” – The Magnetic Fields
“My evil twin would lie and steal/And he would stink of sex appeal/All men would writhe/Beneath his scythe/He’d send the pretty ones to me/And they would think that I was he/I’d hurt them and I’d go scot-free/I’d get no blame/And feel no shame/’Cause evil’s not my cup of tea”

55. “Shy Song” – Containe …I want you to fuck me/Like I’ve never been before…
“If you let me, I will show you a good time/I want to come over/Every day and every night…”. “I’m shy, too…”
No YouTube link. Here’s “Shy Song“.

56. “All I Want” – LCD Soundsystem …All I want is your pity/Oh all I want are your bitter tears…
A strange Echo & the Bunnymen quality to it, especially at the end. Constantly amazed that every LCD Soundsystem song sounds completely different. “Look for the girl who has put up with all of your shit/You’ve never needed anyone for so long…”

57. “So Good at Being in Trouble” – Unknown Mortal Orchestra …Memories, they mess with my mind…
“She was so good at being in trouble/So bad at being in love…”

58. “Looking for a Sign” – Beck
“If I ran across your picture/if I called you by mistake/ and if I ask someone about you/It’s a habit I can’t break/Looking out for a sign/How can I tell what’s right/Changing my ways to spite myself/Cause I still want you”

59. “Ruin” – Cat Power …Bitching, complaining when some ṗeople who ain’t got shit to eat/Bitching, moaning, so many people you know they got…
For Naomi. Even some Finns who think 1,200 EUR will last a year ain’t got shit to eat (ramen and cheap liquor!).

60. “That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore” – The Smiths …I’ve seen this happen in other people’s lives/and now it’s happening in mine…
While it did not bother or devastate me as it did others, I became one of the masses who was downsized from a job (but already had another lined up when it happened). These lyrics, which always remind me of reading a bio of Marie Antoinette back in 1991, seemed applicable and relevant. “Time’s tide will smother you/And I will too…”

61. “Just Make It Stop” – Low …You see I’m close to the edge/I’m at the end of my rope/the rope is starting to thread/I’m trying to keep my hold/you say I’m something I’m not/but I’m not what I seem/get my back off the wall/if I could just make it stop…
Haven’t we all wanted it all to stop?

62. “Passage” – Exitmusic …Words of promise weigh down on us, settle in our bones/Once the dawn falls down upon us, I will let you go…
Unbelievable layers in which to get lost. “You’re so incredible, why can’t I touch you? Hold back decayed love and light.” For RC.