Marital bliss in a heartbeat


“What is life made up of, anyway? Work and cold, the wind whistling in the trees! Right? How often does a holiday come along?” The Slynx, Tatyana Tolstaya

Years ago, my best friend was getting married. She was already in the US, and I am sure she was planning to go for a Vegas ceremony anyway, but in the lead-up to the wedding, my mom suggested Las Vegas, raving about how it’s quick and only costs about 50 dollars. Since then, my friend and I have joked that her marriage is all my mom’s fault, and if she had not expounded on the instant bargain of a Vegas wedding, maybe my friend would never have married (this is totally untrue and completely a part of the ongoing joke).

But it did make me wonder recently… if Las Vegas is home to the drive-through wedding with no waiting period and almost instant legal matrimony, what other places in the world offer similar spontaneity for those willing (or drunk enough) to take the plunge? See, not everyone in the world can or wants to go to motherfucking America for any reason, let alone for a quickie wedding.

By far my favorite option (if I were going to go about doing this) is New Zealand. Good excuse to go to New Zealand again, even if its incomprehensible distance makes it a poor choice for a “quickie” anything. It has only a three-day period for waiting/getting the license, so while it isn’t instant, it’s not a two-week or three-month wait (which places closer to home and geographically convenient impose). Some other options for shorter wait times include Gibraltar, most of the Caribbean and some of Central America, other places in the United States (like Hawaii) and, oddly, Denmark pops up a few times on some of these lists (touted as Europe’s answer to Vegas, it can be – depending on the location/municipality – a three-day wait and relatively hassle and bureaucracy-free).

There is no real point to this except that it all seems like a hassle. Even the hassle-free choices. But… if one were going to marry anyway, it would make sense to run from the ‘work and cold’ and make a holiday of it. No?

Photo by Robert Oh on Unsplash

Married to the TV – Wasting Berlin


I am in a fantastic city (Berlin) and also have an article I need to finish writing that has been hanging over my head for ages. All these options and obligations and what do I do?

Of course, I watch a beyond ridiculous German television reality show (in German, of course – which I don’t understand at all – half the process was trying to figure out what was going on) called 4 Hochzeiten und eine Traumreise. Horrible. Its premise is three couples competing to have the best wedding or something similar – the brides each rate the others’ weddings (and different aspects of the weddings – food, entertainment, dress, etc.). It was nothing less than astounding in its stupidity – and I am nothing less than stupid for watching.

However, in the end, when tacky couple Rana and Samer won “best wedding” (if you could call it that) and then the dream trip, the whole 45 minute nonsense turned out to be worth having watched because of the bizarre physical reaction of the groom. He mimicked a kind of “boxing-match, rapid-motion, punch-to-the-gut” motion. TO HIS WIFE. Really, follow the link and click on the video called “Rana und Samer fliegen auf die Seychellen.”

This has provided an entire evening full of laughter, replaying this in our heads.