If someone had come into the locker room all those times and seen the weird shit you do in there, you might be asked not to return to the gym. No, no, nothing like the old man using the blow dryers liberally on his penis. No, instead the things like you standing on a bench and holding your phone, on record, up to the speakers as Charles & Eddie’s one-hit “Would I Lie To You?” blasted. Or when you needed a photo of yourself and asked your friend to take pictures of you standing against a wall. Your friend couldn’t capture just what he wanted, so this photo session went on too long – what would your modeling session look like to a bystander? And on it goes.
The whole thing made me think about how you – or anyone – could be the story other people are making up or telling. We make up stories all the time about others we see during our people-watching, but our imaginary world could be created at the same time, unknowingly, by someone else. What stories are floating around about you or me?
For much of my life I’ve struggled with the teeth – and these last days have been hobbling along like an 85-year-old lady with a back ‘disturbance’, so the quotation feels apt. This is what happens when you push too hard.
I get fired up about reading the most random of things – this time about teeth and the history of dental care and dentistry: everything from the obsession with the cosmetic aspects of teeth (which is treated at length in the book, but about which I choose not to focus here) to the pain, suffering and real, life-threatening medical emergencies that can occur when teeth are not cared for (and a system that isn’t designed to care for the majority of people and their teeth).
What does it say that this book actually made me cry? That a child’s dental health (or any person’s really) is able to reach such a state of total breakdown that it is his final frontier. Once teeth are beyond all help, the body itself slips toward mortality – that’s too much for my emotional parts to process. The story of 12-year-old Deamonte Driver, a Maryland boy who died of a systemic infection caused by one decaying tooth was heartbreaking and not at all unique.
Not to add that America, with its fragmented health or dental care systems, which are – as the book explores – completely separate, the idea of preventive care, while trotted out in marketing and ad efforts for toothpaste, isn’t taken very seriously. (“Parents need to teach their children: “Your teeth are pearls. You should keep them,” she said.“) And analyses of the total cost involved (not even looking at the tragic loss of life) balance an 80 USD tooth extraction against the estimated 250,000 USD that Driver’s emergent medical condition, surgical procedures and hospitalizations ended up costing. Driver might have been saved had the labyrinthine system, leading his mother around in circles but going nowhere but an unnecessary and excruciating death, had more transparency or advocates in it.
It’s complex. How did the human body and its (medical) treatment become completely disconnected from the treatment of the mouth and teeth, moving further away from any notion of “holistic treatment”? The book highlights, for example, the squeamishness that even seasoned combat and trauma physicians feel when it comes to extracting a rotten tooth from a patient who comes to the ER in the absence of some other form of treatment or pain relief. The theory behind this is that perhaps working with teeth is just too personal.
None of it is new. The teeth tell a story, both an evolutionary and individual history. And can erupt in the pressure of the kind of pain and suffering that can scarcely be put into words.
*As I always say, there is a poem or song for everything. PK Page writes in her poem “Suffering”:
“But
suffering is sweeter yet.
That dark embrace – that birthmark,
birthright, even. Yours forever ready to be conjured up – tongue in the sore tooth, fingertip
pressed to the bandaged cut
and mind returning to it over and over.
Best friend, bestower of feeling
Status-giver.
Something to suck at like a stone.
One’s own. One’s owner.
…One’s almost lover.”
02 Victoria Williams – Poetry…Be sweet, be free, every day is poetry…
Introduced by William, who put this on a cassette mix 20+ years ago; I lost my copy of the CD & this was kind of a bitch to find because it exists seemingly nowhere (or very few places) digitally. Needed again as every day for me is poetry.
03 The Spencer Davis Group – Waltz for Lumumba
Finally read a book on Congo I’d been trying to get to for years. The chaos. Thoughts of Zaki ❤️.
04 His Clancyness – Pale Fear…sometimes I feel like a failure…
05 Tashaki Miyaki – Girls on T.V.…I’ll be the girl you made up in your head…
“I didn’t hear a word you said/But I love Kurt Cobain” Huh? Mention 1 of Kurt Cobain…
07 Television – 1880 or So
It’s always in the 80s – the French Revolution; Congo, Dunlop & his rubber tires; Tiananmen Square. SD❤️
08 Vorderhaus – Catacombs…Have I the right to want you/Have I the right to love you?…
Listening loud on repeat ❤️: “Have I the right to want you, to say I love when I don’t see you?” Danke, ML
09 Lijadu Sisters – Life’s Gone Down Low…but it’s not too late for you and me if we hurry…
Can you resist Nigerian identical twin sisters doing tunes like this?
10 King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard – Billabong Valley…Outlaws on the run/Faster than a stolen gun…
Prolific Melbourne band – can only think of Jane❤️ when Melbourne comes up
11 Kate Tempest – Perfect Coffee…We’re Sisyphus pushing his boulder/the kids are all right but the kids’ll get older…
Only thanks to MP that I gave this a fair shake. Glad I did, eventually. Took a while.
12 The Breeders – No Aloha…Motherhood means mental freeze…
And goodbye, aloha, (no) thank you.
13 Broken Social Scene – Handjobs for the Holidays…It kinda takes the joy away, we don’t come at all…
“We’ve got eyes that leave us in places we don’t see”
14 Lovers – Igloos for Ojos
“Your breath is a voice, wet purring/A kiss on the mouth’s like an elegy/when you slide down next to me and say, ‘By morning this will just feel like a dream’/Your eyes are some cold home”
15 Jealous of the Birds – Tonight I Feel Like Kafka…And it scares me to think that nobody/Looks at me that way…
How did I end up with two songs that mention Kurt Cobain so prominently?
16 Amanda Bergman – Questions…I can find in my way baby knowing that this will be over too…
Still an Andreas ❤️recommendation that pays off again and again
20 Omni – Wire…I’m nameless on hour twenty-four…
“You don’t get tired/As far as I can see/I’ve lost my sense of time & debut/I don’t require more than you could be”
21 Cherry Glazerr – Nurse Ratched…You’re so cold master, where do I begin?…
Thanks MP
22 Jaakko Eino Kalevi – Macho…Elle en a marre des machos/des machos ringards/des machos clichés/des macho men…
One from Helsinki’s favorite tram driver.
25 Yasmine Hamdan – La Ba’den
Can’t resist a bit of Yasmine
26 Fabienne DelSol – I’m Gonna Haunt You…So softly I remind you/Of the ways you let me down…
27 Malcolm Middleton – Ballad of Fuck All…Oh I’m locked inside/Trapped inside this body/I can’t get out, and there’s not enough room/I’m glued to the back of this bone mask…
“Oh won’t you come for me/Comfort me in the night/I’m so tired of feeling sick and tired/Dying at life’s door all the time”. More Scotland. Who would I be without that particular overdose?
28 Scott Hirsch – Loss of Forgetfulness
Modern music with sounds from another time (sneaking suspicion that this is why Spotify started recommending Gram Parsons to me suddenly)…
29 Alexandra Savior – Shades…I’m always happy to be leaving/could be the company I’m keeping…
“Shouldn’t have come back/shouldn’t have switched it on at all/didn’t mean to hold you so close/but you know how it goes”
30 Fairuz – Salimleh Alayh
No words to say about the incomparable Fairuz
31 Mark Kozelek – Float On…and we’ll all float on okay…
“I backed my car into cop car the other day…” Somehow vaguely reminded me of the “African Arm taxi driver” story from ❤️Martina and Anthony❤️
32 Wire – Outdoor Miner…No blind spots in the leopard’s eyes/Can only help to jeopardize/The lives of lambs, the shepherd cries…
33 Chris Spedding – Video Life
“Meet myself on the action replay/Hope I get there right on time”
34 Angel Olsen – Woman…With no promise of the future/Am I not allowed/To think kindly of a stranger/Who reflects the sound/Of my heartache/As it’s beating/My life to the ground…
“You can leave now if you want to/I’ll still be around/This parade is almost over/And I’m still your clown”
36 Lambchop – When You Were Mine
A Prince cover; still seems strange that he’s dead
37 She Drew the Gun – Since You Were Not Mine…and to my lips too cold to speak/of a love just out of reach…
“Time refused to pass/though sand filled up the glass/each grain became the last/suggestion of our past”
38 The Yearning – When I Lost You
“But the world doesn’t know how I feel now you/Are out of my life, now you’re gone”
40 Dougie Poole – Less Young but as Dumb…Could you see that I haven’t learned a thing?…
“Cause I can see you now/Though I’m not sure I can handle the sight/The arms of a stranger, the light in your eyes/That’s making me wonder if I’m on your mind/See?/I’m less young but as dumb as the day that you left me”
41 Ulrika Spacek – There’s a Little Passing Cloud in You
42 Ruby Haunt – Crave
This song explains it all. It’s March, and I depart the station, heartbroken. “Listen to the girl, who waits by your side, in a simple world, no need to ask why, nothing’s gonna change, the people pass by, you feel no pain, as she starts to cry. Craving, craving some comfort. You can’t explain, the things on your mind, you’re on your way, you won’t rewind. It’s over with, no need to lie, you’re just a myth, but you know it’s fine. Craving, craving some comfort.”
45 The Besnard Lakes – Albatross…Oh you showed me so much/Those days are now long gone…
“And I have to admit/Things got weird for a bit/And I scream for you/There goes my man…”
46 Lisa O’Neill – England Has My Man…England’s so lucky/I’m not sure they know/I’m feeling bold with ideas of us…
“Now I am calmer than ever before/He opened the grand can of beautiful worms/I waive my fears and I face the chance/No one got near when we first danced”
47 Dean Blunt – 100…But we keep it going on/Feelings coming on/But the bullshit got too long, yeah…
48 Soft Hair – Lying Has to Stop…Our lives they never seem to coincide/But if it’s all right with you/I try to focus on another life…
For Jane❤️, with her infectious laugh and tantalizingly soft hair
52 Beverly – Bulldozer…Cat is a machine pushing the rocks around/Bulldozer sleeping, dreaming up buildings…
For Annette❤️, loving human bulldozer, and her little Norm❤️ and his obsession with earth-moving machines
53 Ten Fé – Twist Your Arm
“And I give you love unconditionally/I give you love, what do you give me/I give you love, so I don’t understand/Why I gotta twist your arm/To hold your hand”
56 Wild Nothing – To Know You…This is the circle that we live in/These are the people that we’ve been…
“So you gave a quiet light/My one chance at order/I won’t toss your way aside/For any corner of the world”
58 Twin Peaks – I Don’t Wanna Miss You
“I could talk a girl right out of her clothes/I could talk myself into kissing your ghost/but you’re always on my mind”
59 Swim Mountain – Yesterday…Nothing could make us last this long/I wouldn’t have done it for anyone/Leaning forward to hear you say/ ‘I only wanted you yesterday.’…
“You said I live in my head/Never listen to the things you said/’Cause in love there’s always one/One who suffers and one who’s done”
60 Bill Patton – Alchemy…History tells us you don’t want to be native/but you don’t want to leave home either…
Seattle ❤. “If I make it to the fountain of youth/I will come home ridiculous and bearing syphilis/Travelling back in time has never been my strong suit/It’s just taken up all my time”
61 Ibrahim Maalouf – Will Soon Be a Woman (live at Babylon Istanbul)
The sound, movement, moment of the crowd carries you away
62 Ted Hawkins – The Lost Ones…We are the lost ones/seeking help from you…
63 Shallou – Motion Picture Soundtrack…I will see you in the next life…
“Stop sending letters/Letters always get burned/It’s not like the movies/They fed us on little white lies” (Radiohead)
65 Molly Burch – Try…Wouldn’t it be so nice if we felt the same/I wish you would try…
66 Frida Hyvönen – Amors förkastliga pilar
“Om jag mot förmodan blir kär igen/då ska jag inte agera/Bara andas väldigt lugnt/å låta det passera”. Tack så mycket, Andreas ❤️
67 The Dø – A Mess Like This…Are you a curse?/From bad to worse/Our affair/Helpless as I’m/Trying to react/You were the worst idea I ever had…
“Sometimes I wonder how I landed in a mess like this…”. Always thanking Bruno for the intro to The Dø
68 Allison Crutchfield – Mile Away…Self-congratulatory mess/Yeah, you keep sleeping good at night/’Cause you’re inherently right…
“You’re acquaintances on a loaded train/You were spared rejection and it’s a dangerous thing/So you wake up confident every single day/You retire your own decency, you exonerate/And you’re blaring ‘Nebraska’ while she tortures you from a mile away, mile away”
69 Brigid Mae Power – Sometimes…Sometimes I just want to collapse into you, you/But I don’t know if you want me to/Or, if I should?…
“Shouldn’t I be okay out here on my own?/Living in my little home? No needs from others, doing it all by myself”. God, this makes me ridiculously sad.
70 Jesca Hoop – Memories Are Now…I fell for that light, shame on you/You’ve got this idea, I can be fooled/Again with the light shame on me…
There is only now. “If you’re not here to help/Go find some other life to ruin”
71 Elvis Costello – Radio Silence…he’ll tell you anything you want to hear…
“Libraries filled up with failed ideas/There’s nothing more for me there/I trust in tender ink and gentle airs”
